Attachment parenting comes differently to every family. Some parents know right away that the Attachment style is right for them. Some parents have to try other things first.
I knew before Reagan was born, that he was his own person. I knew instinctively that he did not belong to me and that I was but a steward. I believed that he would be born with his own personality, thoughts, desires, dreams, and hopes. My goal was to get to know him, encourage his strengths and discourage his weaknesses.
I believed that discipline was simply a matter of creating solid boundaries and allowing him to make his own choices within those boundaries. I imagined that as he got older, the boundaries would expand, and so would his decision making abilities. Ultimately, I think I had a very good plan. It's failure was my inability to trust myself as a parent.
Experts always seemed to know better, and so it took me a while to try other things before I came back to the basics, to the instinctive parenting I'd started with, which is essentially Attachment Parenting or AP.
At it's core, AP is a simple set of ideals or tools that encourage a parent child bond from babyhood. It connects them so that they are a team and not adversaries. As a child grows older, the parent can make discipline choices based on a deep understanding of their own specific child.
AP starts in infancy with things that will bond parent and child from birth. Tools such as breastfeeding, babyewaring, & co-sleeping help parent and child really come to know one another. It helps the parent really come to know what motivates their child, what is important to them, and how they think. Also, it helps parents with the challenging task of taking care of a newborn. A baby held in slings, fed on demand, and who has it's cries responded to, tends to cry less, thus being a lot more fun to be around!
Discipline is an important part of parenting and not ignored by AP. But discipline is gentle. It understands actions and consequences, but does not repay misdeeds with violence. In AP the parent looks to find the basis for behavior and adjust it in ways that make sense, and with understandable consequences. AP is not permissive, though some parents may take it to that extreme.
It is important to remember that no one parents perfectly. We all make mistakes and have to find our way. Techniques have to be tweaked to fit individual children, and methods may never be truly perfected. One has to remember to be patient with themselves at the same time we're patient with our children. God isn't finished with any of us yet.
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